Remember when the “jobs of the future” were supposed to be things like software engineer, graphic designer and, inexplicably, actuary? Well, the future arrived, and Florida is hiring.
This week, we dust off the old career almanac to explore the exciting opportunities awaiting tomorrow’s workforce: prediction-market gambler, degenerate sports bettor, crypto trader, Brickell LARPer, Kick streamer, online guru, looksmaxxer and, perhaps most respectably, OnlyFans creator.
Along the way, we examine how gambling, influencing, meme coins, passive-income fantasies and algorithmic brain damage somehow became an economic development strategy — and why South Florida increasingly resembles the trading floor for an economy built entirely out of people trying to game one another.
Plus: Maria Elvira Salazar discovers immigration enforcement has consequences, Byron Donalds hangs with Kodak Black, Robert Kraft humiliates Ed Sheeran, and Florida insurers apparently discover some exciting new accounting techniques.
Kids, choose your careers wisely. The future is bright, provided you never look up from your phone.